Last couple nights..well..the last couple nights for the past two weeks or so have been difficult. I have been having some anxiety before sleep. Once I am done with what I need to do, and get ready to relax in my bed…I get this sudden fear of 'being out of control and/or dying. The term dying is hard to explain. It's not like I am going to die…but more like dying from a bad change. I think a lot of it has to do with the holidays. Holidays are so hard for me, and I am sure they're hard on others. I don't have anything running through my mind that's stressful…the thoughts are obsessive. For a moment I will think, 'oh my..I am having a hard time breathing..what if there's no more oxygen after my last breath and I will suffocate?" Strange stuff like that. I had placed a xanax near my bedside, and stared at it. I have been working with myself to try to overcome panic and anxiety on my own. I try to stay positive. But..I had a horrible panic spell last night, and had to take the pill. Three hours later, I finally drifted into sleep. I awoke at 4am from my own voice. I was not just talking in my sleep, but I was yelling. I am not the type to yell, scream, anger, mean.. but it scared me. I was yelling and I don't know what I was yelling about. When I awoke I had a cold sweat, my heart was beating very heavily and I almost starting panicking. I kept trying not to let it increase. I have a hard time going back to sleep if I have a panic attack in the middle of the night. Night time for me is peaceful. But lately, it feels like if I have a panic attack in the middle of the night, I feel as though I am the only one up in the entire world and no one can help me calm myself down. Sometimes, I want to text a friend or wake up my mom, but I don't do that. After an hour of reassuring myself I wasn't going to 'die', I managed to drift back into sleep…but then I awoke late, which pissed me off. I had a crap load of things to do today and by the time I woke up, the day was pretty much done with. Eh… my mom asked if I was stressed about something, but when I think about it.. not really, but of course, if I really analyze it.. a lot. Maybe my mind hides a lot of my stress, and it empties into my sleep, which is most common for people but I can't stand the fact that I have anxiety spells in my sleep because of my subconcious stress. I know soon, it will get better. I am proud that I am not on any anti depressants.. and I feel pretty good about myself. I just want a good night sleep!

1 Comment
  1. Halogen25 12 years ago

    I get this too. what you need to do is find an external source of relaxation. I use hypnosis or meditation music which I play on repeat all night. I find some good cardio during the day (at least 20 minutes) and a walk in the evening helps me ease down. In the end you just have to realize that these feelings are an internal message that wants to be heard and felt. So hear it out. It will fade in time. All thoughts do! We just need to learn to give them space to do their thing no mattter how uncomfortable they make us feel. Their only thoughts, they can't hurt you.

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