I know I haven't posted here in quite a while, so I thought I'd stop by to say hello. Well, more than that…I badly need to vent.

So here's my situation. I'm staying at my aunt, uncle, and cousin's place in Pennsylvania (I'm from Alabama), and am working a seasonal job up here while I job hunt. I recently graduated from college with a bachelor's degree, but have been having a lot of trouble finding anyone who would be willing to hire someone who has no experience.

So I'm currently up here working and saving up some money. Well yesterday I worked and got to leave a little early. I didn't take a lunch with me so I stopped somewhere on the way home and got something to eat. Well apparently my aunt told my mom last night that she was worried about me because I didn't eat anything during the 5 hour workday I had.

Mom called me this morning and scolded me about it. I was really fine, I had eaten eggs yesterday morning so I wasn't hungry until the last few minutes of my shift. It wasn't really a big deal, but she turned it into a huge deal and immediately started saying things like "Well I may just force you to come home."

She did this the last time I was here (last winter), about every other day she called scolding me and asking me if I wanted to come home. Finally early January she forced me to come back to Alabama, where the first thing she did was made me sit in a chair and chewed me out on what a failure I am.

This is different. I'm actually working, and have only been up here a week when she popped the same question about me coming home. I was already in trouble with her yesterday because she expects me to start calling her now as opposed to her calling me, but quite frankly, I hate calling people. I hate talking on the phone to be honest, because I get nervous and can never collect my words. So between yesterday and today I've gotten the one-two punch from Mom and just feel awful.

I don't really know how to recover from this. I mean, I know I should tell someone about it, my aunt in particular, but Mom's forbidden me to talk to her, and besides if I told her how I felt, she'll immediately talk to my Mom and then it leads to another over-the-phone-verbal-asskicking. Not to mention my aunt is already going through a lot of drama herself, I mean, it's 1:00 PM and she just got out of bed now. My cousin and uncle don't do anything but sit on their asses, both have given up on life and expect my aunt to do everything. And her job (the one I'm working at seasonally) has been calling her in daily, even on her off days. I know she's exhausted, so that's why I haven't said anything to her about my own problems.

I'm so close to my own goal that it's frustrating to no end when I send out countless applications and hardly get a response. I've had it a few times where I finally got an interview or at least a phonecall, but never hear back from the company. So I'm trying my best to at least save some money for if something works out. It's hard though, because Mom claims she's not pressuring me to get a job but at the same time she constantly badgers me about it. Or she'll say, "I'm not trying to pressure you but…" and then she pressures me about it. I've been looking for roughly 2 years now (of course having my degree now helps but still very little luck). It doesn't help that my student loans are due in February either. I've pretty much reached the last bit I could defer them so I'll have to start paying it back soon, or at least talk to them and see if we can work something out. I believe they have a 'economic hardship' sort of deferment I could still do, so who knows.

Well anyway, thanks if you read all of this. I guess being able to write it somewhere helps, since…well…I'm forbidden to talk about this to anyone else.

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