For some strange reason Im motivated to blog. It 's summertime and school is out. Eventhough, I complain about getting up in the morning to go to work, I'm in my element when I am at work. Thing sdon't always go so great but i do the best I can and I love what I do. I'm successful in my profession because I guess that's one of my God given gift. I'm a wife for 21 years and a mom for at least 19 years. Three kids and 2 dogs. I guess we are the typical middle income family. Most of the time I feel very blessed. Other times I'm so into myself that I become overwhelmed and selfish. My marriage and parenthood is a rollercoaster now and then, but that's life. Sometimes I feel a failure as a wife and a parent. I've come to the realization that as a child, it's crucial to be accepted and feel unconditional love from your family. Something I never felt I recieved as a youngster. The 10th of 11 kids I felt more like the adopted one, never feeling as if I belonged. I have a 19 and 14 year old daughter and 9 year old son. My daughter has decided she's lesbian, my middle daughter wants to be a rock star, and my 9 year old is such a needy youngster, similiar to his dad. My husband has yet to learn to stop being so negative about life, period. I so understand why women can become so overwhelmed keeping up with a family in addition to feeling as a failure at times. I know I'm not a perfect mom but if I do one thing right as a mom,it would have to be accepting my kids for who they are, eventhough, it may hurt at times. If I can do this then hopefully they will have more confidence in themselves than I ever did. After our 3 yr wedding anniversary, it felt like I was experiencing a premature7 yr itch. Our first born came along, my husband always seemed to need more and more from me. I felt pretty darn incompentent as a mom and wife. This is because I waited til I was 26 to get married. I loved my family but I still hadn't reached a time in my life that I felt comfortable in my own shoes, but unaware of this at the time. I really think the feelings of unconditional love and acceptance from my own mom which bled through my siblings were the main reasons of my insecurities. I just turned 50 but miraculously have had a loving marriage, eventhough, things get difficult as time, and such great loving children. Eventhough I still don't like the idea of my daughter being a lesbian and my youngest being such a needy child,, it is what it is and I can't change it. however, I can accept my middle child wanting to be a rock star. Eventhough, my husband can behave like a big baby and occasionally overwhelm me with his emotional behaviors, he's not perfect either…however, the important issue here is that he treats me with respect, listens to me, makes me laugh at myself, makes me want to be a better person and above all the only person on this earth whose unconditional acceptance and love has beenmy God givenrock . We have to go through difficult times in relationships. These times will either separate us or bond us like super, super duperglue. I think one of the concepts I've learned from parenting is that children need 2 parents. They don't need to be married just work on remaining respectful of one another and be the parent.. During my 40's I learned more about my Faith and embraced it unconditionally. I realized that it was He, God, who never left me, I just needed torealize his unconditional love/acceptance were the forces thathave never or ever will abandoned me. My life has been a miracle, but those are other chapters in my life, Because of these unconditional gifts. No matter how depressed ,lonely and incompentent I may feel at times, my Faith with live on forever and life will take me where it will take me. Afterall, nothing that is worth livingfor is ever easy…God Bless…