Well its been a while since i last wrote a blog

November god has it been that long daft sod

THANKS SO MUCH TO ALL MY FRIENDSXXXXXXXX

Things at work ie bulling have had some progression and some inprovement i was listened to at last and things have improved between me and the bully. It has been a really hard ,emotional and very distressing experiance and i am not sure i could go through it again or in the future. To much damage has been done but i realise my job is important and its not worth leaving for this one person WELL NOT RIGHT NOW

We have gainned a new organiser at work who i get on really well with and she is giving me lots of surport and we are working together with my confidence ect I have started going to a councillor i was sent to through work and i am glad to say i find her fairly easy to talk to.

I have also been back to my drs to explain that as well as having depression i also suffer high or manic days  which i thought was a reaction to the medication when my happyness goes well mad really and out of control. My dr sent me to see a pycatrist as she thought i might possibually be suffering from bipolar/manic depression. So while i was waiting for appointment i found more out about this illness and found a lot of likeness to the way i behave. I went to my appointment and was told i definatley am not bipolar as i dont know of any family who suffer from it and i have suffered certian trumas in my life that has made me this way. In a way i am glad as i would find it hard to except and i think deal with but i am really struggling with my behavour at the moment.

I am suffering worse with mood swings from being really depressed not talking feeling suicidal ect to being confident full of energy acting daft and sometimes dangerous. It is affecting my home life as well as my work.

At work i get told to snap out of it that i worry to much that every one suffers mood swings. Why wont anyone listen?

I am afriad of what i might do and am frightened of being a faliure and being a burden on others ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~