my ex-boyfriend od'd and attempted suicide 6 months ago. i thought i had gotten over it but yesterday it came back to haunt me. i wasn't even expecting it. i had a horrible panic attack and it felt like i was watching it happen all over again. my body remembered the feeling of helplessness and fear. i felt like i couldn't breathe and was going to pass out. it took an hour for me to calm down and the rest of the day i was on edge. i just kept thinking about all the what ifs. what if i had just went to bed? what if he didn't come stumbling back to my room? what if i hadn't noticed anything was wrong? it's just still so real. i could have woken up next to the dead body of the boy i love. and i know logically that i did get back up. that i did call 911 and that he is still alive. but it just felt so real. i just don't know what i would have done if he would have died. i know i would have lost it and ended up locked away. it would have scared me for life…although i'm pretty sure listening to him tell me it was ok and for the best while he slowly lost consciousness has done the same. will i ever for that image of him on my bathroom floor that has been burned into my mind? will i ever be able to forget those days of hell as the doctors said they didn't know how to make him regain consciousness or what to do for him? will i always remember them telling me that he should have died? what will it take for me to finally relax about it. if it can come back after six months, how many more years will i have to endure attacks of sheer terror? and i wonder if anyone else can possibly understand this…or am i alone in this frightful nightmare?

1 Comment
  1. Rickytron 11 years ago

     Oh man i really have never had that happen to me but i have suffered panic attacks before and i have beaten them they start to happen but i just remember and know for a fact that its just a lil mosquito trying to penetrate a big old body it wont do any damage. it really is not your fault for what happened to your boyfriend you didnt cause it and you did the right thing calling 911that makes you a great person cause you care 🙂 it was only 6 moths ago that this happened so give it a lil bit more time  and believe me when i say this i know how nasty a panic attack can feel and i also know that they end FOR EVER! 🙂 soon you will see that getting rid of a panic attack will be as easy as scratching an itch, i hope you feel better 🙂

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