It’s been awhile since I’ve been on here, but we are done moving now and almost done unpacking. I’m not going to stay on for long because I am tired from all the crying I did today. My mom and tia took turns reaming my ass today for buying a dog, and my "best friend" ditched me for a guy she’s been dating all of a week. I sat on my bathroom floor and cried and cut myself. I don’t know why I did it, I have never really been a cutter. I mean I did a little bit in junior high but that was mostly for attention. But for some reason tonight the urge to feel that pain just completely took me over. I don’t honestly know why it made me feel better at all, but feeling that sting as the blood came out just made me feel so calm for the first time in ages. I didn’t even bleed that much, all I had was my razor and I couldn’t get it apart so I used it as is. I have eight sets of three short and shallow cuts on my left arm. I feel like such a cliche. I also feel like if anyone noticed it would further prove their assumptions that I am just asking for attention. Maybe I am though. Maybe some attention is what I need. I mean, I don’t even get that much of it from David any more. He spends most of his time playing video games. He doesn’t understand that just because he sits across from me playing his games and occasionally grunts one word answers when I talk, he is not paying attention to me. Tia wants me to get rid of Buddy but I don’t think I can do that. I have only had him for a day but he is the most amazing dog ever. He is so sweet and already acts like he has been my dog for years. I need this dog. It sounds so stupid but he is the one who will love me absolutely unconditionally. I don’t need to do anything to earn his love except for throw a ball so he can fetch it. Love from an animal is like that from a child. It is so pure and innocent. Sometimes thats the only thing that can help. I am feeling better already as Buddy lays his head in my lap.


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