I don’t know if anybody else would understand, but I’ve been actively trying to distance myself from my toxic family members that I live with. I can’t afford to move out because I just did a big move with my family and husband a few months ago and just recently found a part time job. Things have kept happening and I notice my family grumbling about my husband and me … they don’t communicate well with us and in turn I don’t actively seek them out because of their narcissistic personalities. They want more recognition from me and I just can’t give that to them for the sake of my own mental health. I’ve explained this to them numerous times, but they just keep grumbling about themselves not getting acknowledgement. My father especially tends to pretend to be sicker than he is to get attention, and then makes himself sicker when his pretending doesn’t work. As a result of the most recent episode, my husband tried to push him to stop pretending and to stop trying to harm himself to get attention. My husband loves me dearly and just wants to protect me from my toxic family.  Since my father made himself sick to the point of going to the hospital and nursing home, it got the attention of social services. To be clear, my husband is not violent and would never and has never hurt my family, but my father is trying to take control and threatens to kick us out because my husband confronted him this last time. In the end, all of this is triggering my depression thoughts of suicide because all this is showing me is that my own family cares more about their need for control than my need for space and time to build myself back up. This situation brings to mind that my feelings don’t matter and I’ve struggled with this mindset everyday of my life, that I don’t matter so long as I am serving someone else. They have bullied me verbally in the past and well as neglected me so much that I had to learn to be self reliant and that the only way I can be safe is if I have no thoughts or feelings of my own so long as it serves them in some fashion. My family stopped caring about me even when I still cared about them and it breaks my heart that I put any energy into caring about them when they are fine with threatening me with homelessness. This triggers my depressive thoughts that I don’t matter, that I’m not enough, that what would be best is if I just die, and that terrifies me because I don’t want to leave my husband all alone with out me, or my dog. But I don’t know if I can handle any more stress from my family threatening me and the stress of homelessness. I wish I knew a way out of this situation.