So i went and saw a psych after YEARS of being uninvolved with any form of mental health treatment . He did the classic interview and then we just sat and talked. I was surprisingly calm and collected. Go figure that i took depakote for bi polar for years and quit about three years ago and he says "Bets you sound classic bi polar"…sigh.

I guess i just hoped it was situational and now that i was gainfully employed and fairly stable it would not come back, never mind i get these days where i can go go go and then others where my ass is draggin ten feet behind me!

never mind that i cant stay in a relationship with ppl other then my friends for more then a few months without steppin out and gettin sick of them. I am never satisfied come a certain point and then a few weeks later i miss them then we hook up again then it happens all over. I have thought that at least five ppl in the past four years were the right one just to decide a month into it that they drove me nuts! HELLO i have a personality disorder. DUH!!! LOL.

So now I guess i go back on meds and see if i can get this all in check. My anxiety my depression and my thoughts of grandeur! I cant even remember at this point how the meds made me feel or why i stopped them, i think it was coz i had a new partner and felt complete. That lasted on and off for a year then i cheated so he would break up with me so i didnt have to do it, yes im 35…not 15!

We shall see, one day at a time and i am thinking positive coz how ive been feeling the past few months is just not working for me. UP AND DOWN and UP and DOWN. I want off this ride. =)

Vibe1Luv~ Bets

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