I want to share a story with you on a situation I am currently in with my girlfriend.

She has been wanting to visit California for a very long time. One of her college bestfriends happens to live out there and for years now they have been trying to plan a time for her to come out to explore.

Unfortunately for her, the relationships she has been in before me have prevented her from being able to go due to one tiny detail. Her male college BFF also used to be her friends with benefits. It’s been about 4 years since that has all happened and there were no emotional connections. Understandably, her previous boyfriends have not let her visit said friend due to their history.

I am not like the other people she has dated. I am her FIRST female relationship so I think that alone has been a different experience for her never mind me being very easy going about most things. But, I am in almost the same boat as all her previous boyfriends. I do not want her to go. The difference is..I am letting her. I was not happy about it and I don’t think I am right now..but I am still letting her go.

Here is why..I trust her and I don’t own her. I trust her when she says that this person respects her relationships. I trust her not to rekindle old sexual flames. I just trust her not to be disrespectful to me. To us.

What DOES upset me, however, is that I was not really invited. I mentioned me tagging along and sharing her experiences and meeting this BFF who is on our side for true love. She explained that she wants me to go but has never traveled without someone and wants to have a sense of individualness. Despite meeting her friend. She is also staying with him to save on hotels which sometimes does bother me. Just jelly..

Let me throw in a little comment. I am not excited for this trip because a part of me feels like I am being left behind for not being able to go. I feel like I am not fun enough to bring and that she does not want to share me with her friends. She knows I feel like this and has reassured me. The reason I wont make her stay is because I don’t want it to put a hindrance on our relationship. I also don’t want her to resent me for holding her back. We will not always be able to travel together and its fine but this one time it is not.

Before you give you two cents on this topic I want you to know my girlfriend is a wonderful person. And when I say my problems don’t lye with whether or not I trust her, it’s true. They  lye in the fact that my girlfriend gets to make new memories with someone else. Someone with some history and someone I have never met.

Tell me your thoughts. I tried to be as dry but also explanatory in this description. I have no hate for her friend and I am getting used to this friendship. I am just not liking this situation. Maybe someone else has been through something like this and can give me some advice on how to just let it be. I am feeling a lot of jealousy and anger and its so unattractive. HALP.

4 Comments
  1. condemned 2 years ago

    I have no advice of value on this situation, but I understand why you feel worried about this trip she is planning. I think your concerns are valid, especially if she still plans to share a hotel room knowing how you feel about her previous sexual involvement with this friend.

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  2. ucfdarkknight 2 years ago

    Condemned had a really good reply. I also have no real advice on the situation, but I also agree your feelings and concerns are valid.

    I will add that I commend you for trusting her and letting her go. That can’t be easy, but it says a lot about you and how much you care. I will also say that one of the main reasons the last girl I dated didn’t work out too well was that I was too insecure. Sometimes when you try to hold on to someone too tightly you actually either push them away or suffocate them to where they want to get away.

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  3. shadetree 2 years ago

    I think its great you trust her and sometimes in a relationship you just have to take a leap of faith. Nobody knows how things will turn out in life but i do know as somebody who kind of stepped out of life and became a ghost thats no way to live. If you dont take risks in life theres no rewards either. You just sort of die, your relationships die, everything fades away. So just try your best to stand by your decision of trust, and see what happens. If she does do anything youll eventually find out anyway things like that have a way of surfacing.

    I wont comment on the whole FWB thing my mindset is so far removed from that kind of thing i dont know. I just know i couldnt do that i feel too strongly for people to seperate sex and feelings. But everybodys different i guess.

    Either way i hope it works out.

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  4. Author
    jtut 2 years ago

    Your replies mean a lot to me. And I appreciate the honesty. At the end of the day, the worst thing that could happen is she fucks up..If she doesn’t, which I dont see that happening, than what do I have to lose?

    One of my friends really helped me let a lot of frustrations go today by saying that my relationship is very healthy and this trip could have the potential to make it healthier. I know in my heart that if I said no, it would later on result in some sort of resentment. I can’t let that happen.

    The old history between them bothering me will fade in time. I have to accept their friendship and get used to it. He is not a bad person that would get in between us. It is though, one of the hardest things to accept. BUT I have faith!

    Thank you guys.

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