when I was young all I ever wanted was to be invisible so the people that caused me pain wouldnt be able to find me. I would sit out in nature somewhere all alone and not move. If you sit for a few minutes not moving nature tends to forgive you for your intrusion.
Today I did that again. I just sat there on my front step. I am a long ways from another human and it was amazing to sit there. Thats the only time I think that I have felt acceptance truly….when the animals decide that I am not a threat and allow me to see into their world a while. There was a few chickadees that flew over within a foot or so of my face, and landed on this bush so they could look me over. They must have decided that I'm ok because they stopped looking at me and started playing and searching for buts.
A little chipmunk came right up to my foot and sniffed at my feet. I could feel its little breath on my foot. I must have sat there for 20 min, listening to the birds and bugs, watcing the birds and chipmunks. I was accepted and mostly invisible all at once.
I think that is how I am going to start living among people too. I dont truly fit in there anymore than I do with the little wild creatures. But I can sure sit quiet and pretend to be a part of the human scenery. Maybe eventually people will either ignore me and let me be invisible or accept me as harmless scenery. Maybe I will find life easier that way and learn a thing or two. Just not really engage anyone…..sort of just sit quiet until people forget that I have not always just been.