Starting to become more hopeful again. Been thinking less about my anxiety & thinking more about positive things that happen during my daily life. I’m not 100% confident yet with calming down these random panic attacks. Even just typing this is making me tense…

There’s always the feeling. A thought that’s always in the back of my head. “Don’t be anxious. Don’t panic. Don’t freak out.” My confidence is not on point, but there’s a part that’s hopeful. The more hopeful thoughts in my mind are speaking louder than the doubtful thoughts.

The meditation I did Friday night was very helpful to ease my mind. Going to make a habit to meditate before bed. Once I make a habit of that then I want to meditate in the morning as well. I feel like that’ll really help my anxiety, but this high social anxiety that’s been happening recently is getting on my nerves.

I feel stupid for over thinking & analyzing co-workers’,friends’, even relatives’ reactions to what I say & do, tone in their voice, body language, pauses in conversation… just sends my anxiety through the roof & then I start beating myself up for it. No one else is freaking out this hard over this. That’s what I especially hate. It’s just me. My mind. My thoughts. Why the hell does my mind think this way??? I have such mixed feelings & thoughts. One moment I’m fine & feeling good, next thing you know I’m bullying myself & anxiety gets higher & higher till I can’t function anymore… Going to meditate now before going to bed. Need to breathe & be calm in order to get sleep tonight.