man, I went awol.  but i'm back.  Let's see, a lot has happened since april.  I graduated from college,couldn't/ can't find a job in my field, went through a few near minimum wage jobs, and am jobless now.  I'm going to go apply at a daycare this week though.  My eating disorder has come back full swing.  I have tried to kill myself twice.  I haven't been to the hospital even though all that sh,it went on.  I moved back home with my mom after graduation in August and am still here, seeing as I can't a job where I can afford half the rent on an apt. with my boyfriend and afford anything else. Being at home is not so cool with me.  I am now seeing a counselor for people with no money and she is that BEST therapist I've ever had.  I've only been to her a few times though.  I quit drinking so yay, that's good. But now I'm on other stuff, so that's not good.  Painkillers, xanax, and my eating disorder are my best friends at the moment.  Not good.  At least the one thing I never want to happen didn't, my boyfriend and I are still together and he has been a huge help to me through all this sh.it.  I feel so bad cause he worries about me so much though.  Blah, it's been a day to day thing EVERY day.  I can't even think about the future without wanting to kill myself.  I'm going nowhere and I completely know it. Anyway, so there is a very depressing not even remotely acceptable update on my life for the past 8 months.  Sorry.  And I hate December.