So kinda really wanna die but what’s new. I really don’t wanna be alive everything is literally getting worse that I’m scared, so scared. I really try distracting myself with other people’s problems bc I’m afraid to face mine. I hate showing how weak I am bc I want to be the strong one but sometimes I can’t take it. I’m so unbelievably alone. yes I have friends family ppl who like me but that’s not what I mean I’m alone in a scary suicidally depressed anxiety stressed filled way. A way that my thoughts surround me with fear to the point that I’m afraid to think bc I know it will get worse and all my thoughts will just attack me. I don’t make eye contact because I’m afraid people will see through me and figure everything out.   But sometimes I fucking wish people were almost more like me so someone would help me but I can’t open up so idk.  I want to take my own advice but I can’t. I’m afraid to be happy it scares me which sounds crazy and I would do anything to be happy but being happy almost seems like an impossible task to accomplish. I want to so badly but my depression is killing me little by little so I can’t do ahything and then my anxiety tells me I have TI do something bc if I don’t I’m gonna lose it so I try to leave my house but my social weird whatever attacks me and kills me inside while my panic attacks and stress makes my heart beat out of my chest so I’m just breathing heavily and I feel like I’m just going to die. I just want to stop hurting I don’t wanna live with the terrible pain I’ve been through mentally emotionally and physically. I can’t do this anymore I really can’t. I want to live just not like this.

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