i´m so lonely over here well luckly i ´m staying at my uncle house which is more relaxing and free flowing. but sometimes i feel lonely and sad. i can´t wait to go home. i feel like everyone thinks of me as an intrusion. yesterday my aunt told my cousin he was gonna go dancing with me and she remined me all day and when he gets home he is like i´m tired i want to go to sleep. but then he went to his friends house. its so contradicting and annoying cuz every house i´ve been at they are like that and its starting to piss me off. i don´t even talk to him now cuz it pissed me off and my aunt told him off and i was like eh don´t worry about it and she was like no you came here to relax and go out not be stuck inside. for that you could have stayed at your other aunts house.

you know whats werid i dont really miss my b/f all that much. i thought i was gonna really miss him. i dont think i have the same feelings liek before…i dunno i´m so confused. also when we talked last time he said he is really close to deciding to go to ucf in orlando to study and i cant go there yet cuz i dunno what im studying and i havent finished anything yet while he is almost finished.

i told him that if he leaves up there than i cant be with him cuz a long distance relationship doesnt work out. its not for me i dont feel bad cuz im not making him choose if he wants to leave than hey i support him.

i dunno plus i feel like everyone sees me hears as this fat american girl. when i went to visit one of my aunts some cousin i think thats is what she is is like oh you got really fat and do you speak spanish and she kepty seizing me i felt like kicking her ass and cursing her out in english damn bitch! i feel disgusted with myself. i barely eat and i swaet like hell here cuz its hot and no a/c but im still fat i think fatter how the fuck is that possible. i feel horrible i want to go home already. i just keep thinking 8 more days. 🙁


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