I lay sideways on the couch, my cat in front of me like a barrier between me and the laptop on the little wooden table it sets on. She purrs with roaring affection. So content to be using me as her pillow, she wraps her arm around mine to pull it close to snuggle.

I continue to type away trying not to disturb her. Even though her head bobbles due to my typing she doesn’t pull away. My sweet girl, my sweet barn-cat baby. Honestly sometimes I couldn’t tell you if she thought of me as her momma cat or her kitten.

I don’t see that it matters but after watching so many big cat documentaries you start to wonder what your cat thinks of you as. She leans her head back to see the words appearing on the screen as I tap away at the keyboard keys. Of all the times she laid in my lap or draped over my arms she watches the words I write. If only she understood them . . . But she doesn’t need to read human words for us to understand and communicate well enough.

I suppose only true owners/animal activists that treat their pets as family rather than lower, less intelligent beings or accessories would understand.

Most people I know don’t understand this “bond” that I go on about. Call me crazy cat lady but I like to think of it as love and respect. We’re all animals, what I can’t have family or friends of another species lol? We adopt animals into our lives for a reason don’t we?

Anyway, I worry she is ill.

For a while she stopped eating and I hand fed her warm chicken. She struggled to eat the chunks so I shredded and mashed it in some water so create something similar to a soup. She would drink it and nibble at the little bits chicken. She improved and we started reducing how much we gave her because she was starting to eat kibble again. Here and there we give her a little tuna. This all happened over the course of about a month now I think.

She has been a part of me since I was 8 and she was a little kitten. The neighbor wanted a whole liter of cats. They had a friend with a wild cat they had “caught” and raised. The kittens were born in a barn and few weeks later that friend dropped them off in a basket to my neighbor. Hence the barn cat thing I said earlier.

There was a calico, grey and white, orange, tortie, and a striped one. The striped one had swirls of colored fur. She had bands of black, shades of white ish creme, shades of orange, and brown. Her name changed a bunch of times and just before I moved, I got to pick a kitten. I chose her with all the beautiful stripes (if that’s what you would call them).

It’s funny because I used to go over to their house and play with them everyday and she was my least favorite because she’d always bite me and climb on the washer and dryer just to fall behind it and screw everything up. She became the most affectionate cat I know. I have yet to a cat and human such as us.

So being that she was a barn cat, maybe she contracted that feline leukemia and it was dormant until now? We got her the shot for it when she was young. She still isn’t 100% I’d give her an 80%. Sounds great except she isn’t getting any better. She doesn’t run like she used to, she runs, just not the same. She is very clumsy, lost her cat like abilities. Still she is skinny and fur looks duller than usual. She jumps up on the arm of a chair and falls all over the place. This may sound like nothing but it’s all these little changes in behavior that I notice and it deeply concerns me.

To my lovely barn kitty, please get well. I will be here for you and give you as many hugs as you request. I know how you love me to carry you around the house in my arms. I’ll feed you chicken for the rest of your life if it help you get better. I’ll do everything in my limits to make you well and to feel safe and happy.

To the barn kitty that saved my life. You know, that sounds like the title of a children’s book. Nobody steal my idea okay, I call it. I might use that one day. She really has saved my life though. She has helped me through panic attacks, fight depression, the list could go on but I might as well save that for another day.

Good day to all who may have stumbled upon my ramblings