had a meeting that went perfectly because i drank coffee. denise was very happy about that. being social makes me feel sick, i hate that. i feel soo dull being around people. like somone would get so sick of me.

someone was trying to get rid of a bunch of computer stuff on their porch so they let me take some. so i dug around with a flashlight, moved things aside, looked in boxes. there was a scanner and a mac computer, the old ones they used when i was in high school. they were all dusty and wet from being in a moldy basement and then on a porch a few feet away from snow. i didnt have time to seach out all the cables for the mac because i didnt know what cables even go with a mac! so i grabbed the pc which i have cables for. her husband walked passed and asked if i was taking the stuff i said some of it. he repeated "some of it" and walked passed. i felt guilty. for not taking all of it? or just taking any of it. i hope i didnt leave the pile in worse shape then i left it. i took a joystick with a throttle (im never going to use this why am i taking it) and a dreamcast (i already sold mine, i dont even want one!)

i felt guilty and bad. lately ive been feeling guilty and bad about everything social. i got home and spent hours trying to get the computer running and got really far, but it just doest recognise the hard drive about 75% of the time, so i cant use it to replace my slower computer thats loud and does work well with headphones 🙁 felt extremely dissapointed. mix that with the bad feelings from the meeting and just being social with people. bad! so i felt bad about the dreamcast like im taking money from them. they didnt want to sell stuff because its a hassle, but i could sell it. but i dont want to for the same reason. but it turns out its a model that can read burned games sooo, its not so bad. gona keep it…


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