I feel like I’m standing in a forest clearing; sun is rising after the war I’ve had to fight my whole life. My past behind me and my future ahead while I stand in the middle. Im nearly 24 which I never thought I’d be. Every year past 15 I’m surprised that I’ve made it this far. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with depression and blamed myself for having something I had no understanding of. I was in a constant state of crisis while feuding with two different sides of my family with estranged relatives that were cut out for good reason. The books I was meant to write were born which saved my life. I wanted those books published that had been my goal since I was 17 then I did that. I wrote 2 books back to back for 8 years then published 3 books within the last two years. After first publication, I was burned by what little family I had left when they’re unsupportive opinions turned into an act with a malicious result. It triggered my abandonment and trust issues sending me into a depressive relapse. I’ve recovered since then but spend 99% of my time alone. I don’t have friends, I have a faint interest in dating partially due to my insecurities with my past issues. I also can’t fathom the idea of being able to trust someone the amount of times I’ve been burned. I really don’t know what a healthy relationship is. All that’s in the future and I really don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve never had such a relaxed attitude towards uncertainty even my therapist was surprised. During my relapse I went crazy attempting to micromanage everything to control everything around me. I don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s okay. Maybe I’m just a little more fearless after all the situations I’ve endured. A new year can open up to anything happening

2 Comments
  1. Lones73 6 days ago

    I get it I was a long time undiagnosed went to therapy but was.”too young” to have depression. All I can say is embrace meditation techniques and calming methods and pretty much just believe in yourself. Seriously once you let go of all the shit and start believing in yourself, no matter what anyone else thinks, you can do anything.

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  2. missieb1203 6 days ago

    I’m 15, undiagnosed but even my counselor refers to me as depressed. I’m pretty lost at the moment (despite the fact I’m meant to be okay now). What advice would you have for me on it all?

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