I feel like I’m standing in a forest clearing; sun is rising after the war I’ve had to fight my whole life. My past behind me and my future ahead while I stand in the middle. Im nearly 24 which I never thought I’d be. Every year past 15 I’m surprised that I’ve made it this far. When I was 15, I was diagnosed with depression and blamed myself for having something I had no understanding of. I was in a constant state of crisis while feuding with two different sides of my family with estranged relatives that were cut out for good reason. The books I was meant to write were born which saved my life. I wanted those books published that had been my goal since I was 17 then I did that. I wrote 2 books back to back for 8 years then published 3 books within the last two years. After first publication, I was burned by what little family I had left when they’re unsupportive opinions turned into an act with a malicious result. It triggered my abandonment and trust issues sending me into a depressive relapse. I’ve recovered since then but spend 99% of my time alone. I don’t have friends, I have a faint interest in dating partially due to my insecurities with my past issues. I also can’t fathom the idea of being able to trust someone the amount of times I’ve been burned. I really don’t know what a healthy relationship is. All that’s in the future and I really don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve never had such a relaxed attitude towards uncertainty even my therapist was surprised. During my relapse I went crazy attempting to micromanage everything to control everything around me. I don’t know what’s going to happen and that’s okay. Maybe I’m just a little more fearless after all the situations I’ve endured. A new year can open up to anything happening