So it appears it's going to be a good day. I feel pretty good still. I hope this is the answer to my prayers finally! I've held out hope for so long that I started to think that maybe I was never going to find something to help me get better…

Today I taught a violin lesson! Go me! I'm so proud of myself for doing it. I get all jittery beforehand and anxious and don't want to do it, but when it finally starts I do really well and the anxiety completely goes away. And it helps me to feel like my old self…I've been teaching since my late teens. That's almost half of my life now.

We're going down to the park with a playground and a little waterpark to meet up with Zachary's friend and parents to see how the boys get along and we get along with the parents. I'm not ready yet to have a sleepover because the house is a wreck, but more importantly, I don't know these people or this kid yet. I want to be sure I like them first. Then we'll see about having a sleepover sometime.

I don't know what the rest of the day holds after that. Maybe we'll go to our friends' Mike and Michelle's house to hang out and let the kids play while the adults relax, or maybe we'll make it a movie night here. Whatever it is we do is going to have to be very cheap because we're really tight on money right now.

I'm a little bit antsy today and last night I had a difficult time falling asleep, but I think it's side effects from the Ritalin that will go away with time. It's not enough side effects for me to not take it with all the good it's doing.

I'm going to get into something deep here, and it may seem weird. Well, it is weird. Most of you know I was molested by my "brother" when I was young. It screwed me up pretty badly. I spent a long time hating him for it. But now, I'm at an age where I've reviewed it in my head time after time and realized that I can't be angry anymore. It's too much weight to carry. I want to forgive and forget. I miss having a brother.

Strangely enough I got a message from him on FB last night. I sat there stunned that it had happened like that with me thinking all the things I'd been thinking. It hadn't been something I talked about to anyone, not even my therapist. But there he is out of the blue. And there was a message from another guy that sexually molested me as well when I was a young teen. He was my boyfriend at the time, but he was in his early twenties and had no business being involved with me. I wish I had known better.

Anyhow, I decided to write my brother back. I don't know where this will go, and I have no idea if he even knows how badly what happened between us affected me. Maybe this is the path that I need to take to find out what really happened that night (holes in my memory of it) and why he let it go that far. And the truth is, I take part of the blame myself. I should have known better too. The stupid things you'll agree to when you're young and love somebody… The only problem was he didn't stop when I asked him to, he kept going. Most of that is blocked out.

Anyway, I feel the need to find forgiveness in my heart and give it, regardless of what happened. I want peace between us, and if he's reaching out to me then it's time to try. Wish me luck.

If you disagree with my choice that's fine, but please don't leave a nasty comment about it. Those really hurt and don't serve any good purpose.

I hope everyone has a beautiful Saturday!