It is the middle of the night and I can’t stop crying to the point where I can’t even sleep. I know I already posted about this on the teen forum but I have always gotten very bad intrusive thoughts since I was a little kid like “If I don’t say goodnight to my parents 3 times I will die” or “If I don’t unlock and unlock the front door 2 times someone will break in” but the worst one (the one keeping me awake right now) was when my grandpa had a stroke and I thought that “If I didn’t pray for him every night he would die” and the one night that I didn’t, he actually did. Even though it’s been over 2 years, I can’t stop blaming myself for his death and I hate myself for it and now I can’t stop crying about it to the point where I probably won’t end up sleeping tonight and I really don’t know what to do or why this is happening.


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