It's currently 2:56am and I haven't slept a wink. I don't know why but I can't get to sleep, no, that's a lie, I have an idea of maybe why I can't sleep. My brain won't stop thinking, I'm trying to relax and just sleep but my brain won't shut off. Things keep going through my head and popping into my head. If I was a thought I think I'd be pretty crowded in my head right now lol

So ya…I've been thinking of just different things. Earlier I was wondering why my boyfriend set the alarm clock for 8am when he goes to work at 3pm tomorrow. I asked him why and he said that he just felt like it, so the paranoid side of me started to think of different things that he might be doing, but that lasted about 5-10 minutes at the most. Mostly I was just thinking about what things would be like if I got enough money to go to California to visit my family and friends. And of course, that just led to a whole nother world of things. What would I do with my friends when I got there. I started to plan out how I'd surprise my little sister and my grandma. Where me and my sisters would get the tattoo that we've been planning and talking about for over a year now. If I was able to go when I want then it'd be during my little sister's 18th birthday, so I'd take her shopping. Then my mind started to play out the different ways to let my grandma know that I was there. Either just plan a family dinner and suprise her, or just walk to her house from my parent's house and suprise her, or I could just walk through the back door and suprise her, but then I started thinking the last one wasn't a good idea because what if she had a heart attack or thought that I was a robber, more then likely she''d come out with a baseball bat and a kitchen knife and come at me, or she'd call my Uncle Jorge and he'd bring one of his guns over, then there's that slight chance that she'd call the police.

Then I started thinking about once I'm over in California I could see how the job market is over there. Because lately me and my boyfriend have talked a bit about moving back to California since 1. He likes the weather more 2. He wants me to be around my friends and family and 3. He wouldn't really be leaving anything behind that he wouldn't want to. Him and his family don't exactly get along, and if you've read my other blogs then you know how they are. But ya…so we had been talking about if the job market was good over there then to move back to California and live there again. Even though him and my family don't get along he's willing to put up with that. Only 2 people like him in my family and that's my grandma and my dad (my mom hates him). But hopefully they'd start to accept him once they see that hopefully he's here to stay, so I guess we'll just see how all that goes.

Another that I was thinking about was a talk that me and his grandma had the other day. I don't know how all of these things led to each other, but we were watching a court show (caso cerado) and one of the cases was a mother was suing her daughter's boyfriend (I didn't get the reason why), and basically the daughter was saying how wonderful her boyfriend was and that once she graduated high school in 2 months she was going to train to be a cop and she had perfect credit so she already had the student loans to pay for all of her education. Then the girl's grandma came in with some evidence showing that he was just a snake in the grass. The girl and him had met online and all, and the girl's grandma had evidence that he was still actively searching for other women and that he wasn't what he claimed to be (said that he had no kids and was a doctor). So a big fight broke out and they were all told to leave the court room and that no one was getting any money. So then my byofriend's grandma started talking about how dangerous it is to date people online, but that some of them work out. Like her son and his wife, they have been together for…I think she said 10 or 15 years. But anyways, then she started going on about how she's had hair since she was little and how she no longer shaves her legs or anything on her body and how even if she got a mustache she wouldn't shave and how she doesn't wear any make-up because it's what's on the inside that counts. And how she's been with her husband for over 40 years and he still loves her and everything because of her heart, not because of how she looks, and they're very happy and have lots of kids and grandchildren…etc.

So that whole conversation got me thinking…was she trying to tell me something? Because she only talks to me in great lengths when she has something to tell me (like before she talked to me about a dating show that was on t.v. and that led to how I wasn't holding the babies properly when I was feeding them and that was why they wouldn't eat a lot when I fed them). So was she trying to say that I'm ugly? Am I getting hairy? Do I need to throw away all my make-up and stop shaving? Do I have a mustache that I can't see and no one is telling me about? Was she saying that I need to be beautiful on the inside? It all kind of got me thinking a bit lol

But ya…it's now 3:18am, so I'm gonna stop writing and probably surf the internet or something because I'm still not tired…I wish it was later in the morning, then I could just go for a walk.


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