Hump day. My fiance won't be back from his annual fishing trip until Saturday afternoon. I really miss him. I used to fantasize about having my very own place and what life would be like if I lived alone–how I'd arrange things the way I like them, only cook healthy foods, and everything would stay clean for a couple of days after I cleaned it… Not all it's cracked up to be, I guess. His absence is like a black hole–Okay, that was a bit much. I'm not suffering witout him or anything. I'm just bored to death. I can't believe what a huge impact he makes on my happiness. I don't need other people with him around. I'm sure that's messed up on all sorts of levels. Jesus, I need to go make some new friends.

I found two writing groups that had advertised on the Borders website, and I really wanted to check them out. I only live 4 minutes away–as opposed to the 25 minutes I would have been traveling for the other group I started to check out before school and work got in the way.

But, guess what. Both meet on nights when I'll be drudging away at X-Mart.


I can't let myself waste any time in finding another job before this one ends. I know myself too well… I worked in retail for years before (and partially during) college and I've grown so complacent in dealing with that daily pain-in-the-butt. I loath doing it, but I understand it and do it well. It almost feels like the only thing I'm good for now. The idea of doing something more both elates and terrifies me. I'm pretty sure I'm one of those people with some sort of a success phobia.

They SAY they might keep people on after the remodel, but I'm not holding my breath… and frankly, if I can get something else, I would rather wipe my tush with steel wool than to remain there in the high hopes of becoming a TEAM LEADER or whatever super-corporate-savy accronym for BIG BOSS they use. LOD? PIG? OPP? (yeah you know me!) WTF?

So, tonight: work, a Shmirnoff Ice (or 2 or 5), and the hot persuit of a respectful day job will resume once again. After all, one cannot pay the rent on sarcasm and creative aspirations alone.

oh, wait. this is America. sure we can! ^_^


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