So the meeting I had in Blog #2 was a PhD/shrink of some variety,who I had to see because I filled out a diability application, but I have no documentation of anything because I don't go to doctors, because I have no insurance, because I can't work. So disability sent me to this guy. So this mental testing, it's crazy, really. He asked me if I know what year it is. He asked me if I would draw a clock and then a box. He had me identify a picture of an elephant. I finally said, I was in Physics/Engineering in college; I just feel bad, I'm not challenged on the ways you are testing.So he askedme to repeat four numbersback to him. He asked meto identify a picture of a lion.He had me do a dot-to-dot puzzle. I am aware of what year it is, therefore all else is irrelevant?!

Blog #3 was about my daughters first encounter with a snowbank. The tow truck had to pull it back up the cliff sideways. So, one tire went flat and now the alignment is all messed up, bad.So the costsof this keep piling up.BUT the fact still remains that the girls were unharmed.What really makes it special is my husband repeatedly bringing up the costs, not the fact that this stuff is cheaper than broken bone treatment for the girls, or funerals, or that it'sso much better and happier to fix a car than watch our people hurting. He makes me so angry Ifeellike I could be an evil person. My daughter keeps listing the things we need to leave ( 'toaster, kitchen table,bed for mom, WE'RE keeping the green chair', etc.). It makes me laugh, when she's frustrated she just breaks into spontaneous list making. My son is younger and seems less aware. But I worry about him, I let him know the truth but in a gentler way, without all the ugly details, and I know it's sinking in. But he doesn't say much, so I worry.

Now a couple days have passed, we're all still okay, I'm still sore from falling. My daughter is still stressing. My son is still quiet. And my husband is still being a prick.

Staying here listening to the neighbor business on one side, andthe county snow plows and trucks onanother side everyday makes me so stressed. Today it was too muchsoI ran away from home. I went to the nearby city for coffee, a couple new movies, new socks for kids, no real necessities, and none of which we can afford to do unplanned, but F*%# it, sometimes running away from home is awesome. And awesome is way better than sticking around to watch a little more sanity wash away, right?.

Tomorrow can be house chores. I get to see my therapist (being paid for, for me) in the afternoon somaybe that will help. Oh God how I hope it helps…but what could she say? Here, here's an assload of money go get a place without men or neighbors or churches or conservativepeople with more judgements than God, oh and here's some for food and utilities.

"If I were a rich man, dibby dibby dibby dum…."


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