i am so tired of everything being my fault. and me messing everything up. its like nobody aprriciates everything i do for them, and i mean i do everything for them, “plug in my phone.” “get me a drink” “make my dinner.” “bring me food.” nobody is capible of doing anything besides me but even then what i do is never good enough. everyone gets so upset when i mess up or i forget to do something or i get upset because im the only one doing it and they dont care. they dont care about me, sometimes it just feels like all i am to them is someone to clean and cook for them.my parents say they love me you know, but if they did dont you think theyd notice everything thats going on with me? they never noticed when i was anorexic, never notice when i became a vegitarian. of corse not im the one who makes all the food. they never notice when im depressed or that i cut or i cry myself to sleep. lately its like im crying everyday now.i dont know how to stop it. it just pours out of me and i lose control. but then i get called to do something else for them and i come out after crying and they dont notice? the tears in my eyes or my puffy red face or my trembling voice? how do they not notice? or do they not care? either way i cant keep living like this. its unhealthy. but i dont know what to do anymore. i have no one i can really talk to and if i tell someone they will get dissappointed. i dont know why i care if i let them down but i do. i feel like i do already, probably because they have unreasonably high stards of me and expect me to be perfect. but im not. im far from perfect.i feel like im a dissapointment to everyone. inculding myself. i just dont know what to do anymore.somethings gotta change but i dont know how. what can i do to fix whats been broken for so long?
I dont know what to do..
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A new level of loneliness..
@.Shelby7-, , Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Depression, Domestic Abuse, PTSD, Relationships, Suicide, 4
I’m gonna throw up a trigger warning for abuse in toxic relationships because there’s some things I need to...
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Next session ; Drawing
Sciencegirl, , Depression, Child, Domestic Abuse, Questions, Sexual Abuse, 3
I saw my CPN on Tuesday, she was really nice, once again she talked about how I needed to...
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A little nervous about tomorrow
xoallasunxo, , Depression, Addiction, Personality Disorder, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 0
:dizzy: So I have to get surgery tomorrow on my mouth. because my gum grew over my wisdom tooth...
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One messed up puppy
bummer, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, Depression, 1
Just had second appointment with new med provider. Despite my pithy comments in a previous blog, he is clearly...
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On having an “I want to die” moment., Part 2
gomizzou, , Depression, Anxiety, Depression, 0
Was the party a curse in disguise– a "wakeup call" of some sort in that it reminded me that...
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The Night Before
LadyPeach1983, , Depression, Anxiety, Child, Depression, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Stress, 0
The morning before my surgery and I cant sleep. So figure this road has been long and difficult and...
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Is it wrong to feel a little bit of happiness?
fragile_things, , Depression, Anxiety, Career, 0
i feel reallyguilty about being happy about achiving things in my life! today has been a good day with...
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Thigh high
SaltWaterDrinker, , Depression, Obesity, 0
I can't believe I am going to waste time complaining about this, but I have to get this out:...
