So the Wheel of the Year turns again. But I read recently that the Wheel keeps turning on and on, it doesn’t stop at each Sabbat, it keeps going through the Sabbats and Esbats. Something to keep in mind. We will be celebrating Samhain a couple days early, on the Full Moon. So it will be a combination Sabbat and Esbat. It will be this Friday and Saturday. I’m going to make a Waldorf salad and caramelized apples. For our ancestor altar we’ll put out a little yogurt for my Mom and a shot of whiskey for my dad. I want to put something out for Bobby but that might make my husband uncomfortable. Bobby is my ex-fiancé who passed away this last March. We were still friends. I might just save that for a private Samhain celebration on the day of Samhain itself, which is a Tuesday.

Samhain is the Wiccan New Year, and also the day when the veil between this world and the Otherworld is thinnest. It corresponds to el Dia de los Muertos, which my husband’s family celebrates. Our ancestors and dearly departed come to us again. I call upon the spirits of my parents, my Uncle Joey, Aunt Celia, Uncle Mike, Uncle Paul, my grandparents, Bobby, Sugarbaby, Nikki and Patti. I believe the animals come too. It’ll be quite a party. I think I’ll leave our porch light on that night, to light their way to us.

Aside from all that, I am feeling quite depressed today. I cast an Inner Peace spell, and I do feel the effects of it, but the depression is knocking at my door, despite feeling the Peace of the Lord. I think I should burn some rose incense to drive away the sadness and insecurity that I’m feeling. I think I’m depressed because of what I can no longer do, like work at a job, drive a car, take BART by myself, walk the two miles to downtown (used to do it every day), walk to the Marina Park without anxiety, take Carla on walks by myself… I can’t do anything, my agoraphobia is so bad. I used to drive to the Lake Chabot Marina early in the foggy mornings and walk the trail. Can’t anymore.

I need to focus on what I can do… I can cook and clean, do laundry, walk to the stores down the street, I can still type, write, read and sing, do yoga, run around the block. take the bus to the pharmacy. That’s about all I can think of right now. I can still hike, provided my husband drives and hikes with me.

So this week I’m determined to stop focusing on myself so much and to think of my loved ones who have passed. I hope they will join us. Blessed Be and Amen.