It's been almost a year since I wrote on here. Its been a difficult, horrible year. A few months ago, I started dating a guy I was completely in love with when i was younger, named Ty. I couldnt believe how much in love with him I fell again. He made me feel amazing and I know he's the guy I could easily and happily spend my life with. But he is stuck on a past girlfriend who broke him.. We broke up and it killed me. He stopped talking to me and started "dating" other girls, even though everyone, including his close friends, want him with me. I went into a horrible depression, something Ive never felt before. I stopped eating and I was throwing up sick; I lost twenting pounds in a months time. I was passing out, missing college, and barely making it to work. I had a panic attack for the first time. With all the stress I was putting myself, I had an early miscarriage. But eventually I started slowly getting better. Then, last week, he messaged me again. He wanted to see me. We spent a few days together. We didnt sleep together, we just went out to eat, hung out, had an amazing time. He introduced me as his girl, talked about what we would do this summer together, and told me he loved me. I was beyond happy, I thought I was getting my second chance. Then he stopped talking. I just assumed it was because he was at his moms and didnt have internet (his phone doesnt have texting). I figured I would hear from him when he got better (he got a really bad spider bite). This morning, I got on facebook and he was in a relationship, with a girl Ive known for years. I tried to message him, asking what I did wrong, why he started talking to me again in the first place, and why he was so alright with hurting me after all I went through the first time, but he would just read the messages and wouldnt respond. I know I wont be able to go through this a second time. It destroyed me the last time and I know I wont be strong enough to do it again. Throughout all of this, I feel completely alone. Ive always felt this way, but now its worse because I feel so tired of trying to go through everything, and yet I dont think I have a single person there for me. Hes the man I love and despite all the pain, or maybe because of it, I know I want to be with him. When we first started talking to him, I told him I was broken and he told me he was too. I love him with all the flaws, and I know he and I are right. I want him back, but I dont think I can make it this second time; last time I at least had hope, but now I have no hope…

1 Comment
  1. NotShakespeare 9 years ago

    It's very hard to deal with a broken heart, especially when the one we love is the one to break it.

    As our very soul can fade away because of time, so can love. Give yourself some time and it'll go away. Also, i believe it's wise to avoid talking to him or messaging him.

    Be safe!

    0 kudos

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