There are a few truly beautiful things, I call little surprise gifts in life that come our way.  One that I find especially validating are those fleeting moments of clarity.  I've suffered in the depths of the lowest depressions to the point of considering suicide after the dissolution of my marriage this past December.  I was abandoned (while in the middle of counseling for reconciliation) one day while I was at work.  I should have seen the signs but didn't and was one thousand percent devoted to making it work right up until I walked into my house that day and saw it stripped of all of his belongings and some of mine as well. This year has been a roller coaster of sadness, loss, financial devastation, anger, meeting new people and finally a real love.  Back to the clarity comment, after almost a year later it has dawned on me that I was trying to make something work with someone who didn't deserve me.  I loved him, he didn't love me back nor did he have the ability to do so.  I gave 1000%, he did the bare minimal, these are just a few examples.  I heard this the other day, God did for me what I coudn't/wouldn't do for myself…….He gave me the Gift of Goodbye.  Now I'm free of the struggle, the self-doubt and I have the whole world in front of me just waiting. It's a good feeling.  For those of you going through it, just know, there's life and a damn good life after divorce…..time not only heals, it teaches us who we are and who we were meant to be all along. (this was actually a response in another group I'm in but thought maybe several could relate as we've all been through heartbreak, self-doubt and then found our way back again….the finding our way back again would be a great thing to share with others……jmho) Thanks!!

1 Comment
  1. cindy0607 13 years ago

    Thanks Dee~ I appreciate your "wind at my back".  Only ppl like you and I know the depths that something like this can take you to, dark places and self doubt that I didn't know existed.  My mother put it a little more succinctly for me when she told me that I was mourning a dream, not the man,,,,,he was and always been a far cry than my dream of him. She was right but all the same it hurt. However, it makes the light of day once we finally find it again all the more sweet.  You hang in there girl as will I and maybe when one of us is in a weak place and yes, I still have them b/c I truly loved this man we can get in touch with each other and hopefully find some words to help each other.  The holidays are coming up and it's something I'm sure I'll be white knuckling on some days just to hang on but we'll make it…..we're made of good stuff!!!! Don't ever doubt it!!! !I'll be here for you anytime and hope I have the right answers, suggestions, strength and hope to share should you need me.  Thanks for being there….take care…

     

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