The following are basically a series of “I” statements that I only apply to myself. If you happen to empathize with some or all of them, then…Well, “hello”.
*Not everyone has a family.*
I exist in a psychological and physical fear (terror) when it comes to coping with the outside world.
I remain in a self-imposed trap in a decent heavily government-subsidized apartment, in a seemingly okay neighborhood for which I am “intellectually” grateful.
I am “intellectually” grateful to have access to a plethora of free food if/when I can get out of my own way to go out, acquire legally and bring it back to my illusion of safety in which I reside (then sterilize it and myself as best I can).
I am very well aware that other people paying taxes and whatnot are supporting my intellectually grateful but emotionally ungrateful existence.
I am very well aware that others who actually have the desire to continue onward, as well as the wherewithal to do so, definitely could benefit from the resources that I receive.
I haven’t any career or creative ambitions what-so-ever.
I just want to be loved for any of this to be the least bit worth sticking around.
“Loving myself” is not anywhere near any kind of an excuse to stick around.
Being loaded up on different medications has only served to “sometimes” enable me to be “somewhat complacent in my cave.”
My being amongst and/or interacting with people, in general, has either been far too confusing or far beyond utterly exhausting for me.
I’m only conveying this because I haven’t been to this community in quite a while and figured, “why not?”
This is the truth in which I dwell.
I’m still a nice guy, just existing in a temporary scenario where “temporary” is the majority of my experience.
Good luck to you all… Sincerely.
Thanks for reading, I guess.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I feel that way sometimes,like I should be grateful for everything I’ve been blessed with, but I really don’t feel that in my heart. Really the only things that have helped me are asking for help and God. I guess other stuff like meditation helps too, but that’s why I’m here, to get help for my depression. I hope you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel and get out. We’re here for you.
I think only living for oneself is pretty hard. We’re social creatures by default and thrive most when we can foster nourishing relationships.
I’m forgetting which podcast I heard this from but they talked about stepping away from the label of “codependent” and more towards “just not knowing how to get needs met”.
I can empathize in that, it can feel hard to feel grateful when we’re really struggling with our own challenges. Thanks for sharing this. It sounds like you’re having a rough time of this all.