I don’t know where to start I don’t want to seem like my whole life’s focus is about boys and men but it’s weird when you share a part of your self with someone for so long that somehow you feel messed up. So recently I found out my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend have a baby. A baby. I didn’t plan on getting pregnant by him when we were together but he started his own family. It’s weird when I think back to him. So I’m having mixed feelings of happiness, fear, regret, acceptance and dread. He’s moving forward and all I feel is hurt. From the bottom of my heart I don’t know how to make my sadness better or easier for that fact. I find myself smoking weed more often then ever. It’s what keeps my mood up. Active when I need to be. Relaxed if I need to be. My heart just hurts. I’m happy for him. I was never good for him. I loved what we had but I have let that go. Good for him that he has started his own family.. I’m not quite there yet.. babies change things. They always do.

 

Good bye to a part of my life because people don’t wait forever. People who realize they got to keep going, well they keep going…

8 Comments
  1. itisme 2 years ago

    I feel you, it is like people are making big milestones in their life and you aren’t. I feel that way too with everyone getting married. Like you said, you’re happy for him because it’s nothing to do with wanting a baby with him but people making big strides in their life. We all want those big markers in life.

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      littlewing 2 years ago

      Thats what I am very afraid of the gaps. definitly

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      • itisme 2 years ago

        Sorry, I don’t quite understand your comment. Do you mind clarifying it for me?

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          littlewing 2 years ago

          Its been a whilw but I think I meant Gaps as in the times within the milestones. The gaps in my life and of the people who were once important to me.

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  2. aquazium 2 years ago

    You’re brave to let that go. I’ve been trying to let some things go myself this week, and I can say that it is really hard and it takes some time. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you still feel that pain sometimes. These are real human emotions, and we need to feel them to gain experience. I get what it feels like to have so many different emotions at once, and to feel scared and confused, I would suggest to try to breathe and let yourself feel it. I hope you will feel more at peace soon.

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      littlewing 2 years ago

      I use to feel a lot of fear. When this relationship ended i knew it was better for both of us. Now that I can see he grown a little since, I cant help but be a little proud to have witness him at his hardest but hurts that I was part of that process for him to have found someone like the woman he is with him. I hope she is kind and patient.

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  3. cmdu 2 years ago

    Its hard to not feel like someone who you were once very close with is moving ahead/reaching big milestones. It sounds like you’re in the process of working on yourself too. That’s wonderful. I hope you can be kind to yourself during this time. It’s totally okay to grieve for abit.

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      littlewing 2 years ago

      To be honest I sometime wish we could have one last conversation. He was a gem but we were both in unhealthy places. I moved on a year after We broke up because he wasnt ready to move on. So its hard to except that he found someone to share that moment. From the way I know him he will be a fun dad.

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