I'm just going to rail and complain like a child. Don't read, if you don't want to.

Ok, it's totally not fair. I'm 18. I want to sit with MM, the cute guy in like half my classes who I've been working with for mock trial, on a sofa, and watch that movie he likes, The Strangers. This is totally unfair. I can't tell him about my diagnoses- Bipolar, Depression, OCD, and schizophrenic tendencies- especially if I ever want to date him, and I do. And I wanna watch this movie!!! It sounds good, the way he describes it, and I bet I could get him to sit with me, and hold me… THAT'S what I want.

And I used to watch horror movies by doing it in the same room with my friend CF, who's seen all of them and would secretly tap my leg to let me know that I had to avert my eyes to prevent an image from burning into my brain that would pop up later as an intrusive image.

I don't want to see murderers wandering in my line of sight, but I don't want to watch every movie with an escort. I wanna watch this one with MM!!!! Except for the images, it would be a good movie!!!! I don't mind suspense…….

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg.

I feel justified in complaining like a child. I'm always the more mature one, the adult in high school, the mommy to my friends, the designated driver. I'm justified in complaining like a kid here, just a little. So there. I deserve to be healthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I deserve to be happy and carefree and sit with a guy I like and not fear repercussions with nerve endings and frontal cortex and that stuff. I shouldn't have to plan my life around that! I shouldn't have to beat back imaginary but vivid cadavers on the bus. I should be worreid about college and partying and boys and fun, and shopping. I'm just so tired.

I'm just tired.

2 Comments
  1. Author
    weasel232k 11 years ago

     Yeah, I tried roping him into a different movie, but it's just his style.  It's kind of annoying, because watching the movie isn't the bad part, for me.  In fact, I can sort of enjoy that part.  It's just the month after, when I'm plagued with the images.  Thank you for listening to my complaints.  It really helps.

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  2. Author
    bluerosie 11 years ago

    Nope.  It ain't fair.  🙁  It's OK; you can rant like a child all you want here.  We all need to let it out sometime.

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