I am so fed up with myself right now, frustrated and bummed out. I am ok with the reasons why I wash, I am even more or less ok with how often I include washing up to my elbows (for no real reason)….but what is just killing me is the amount of soap I use. It is just out of control. I just bought a 1.65 L soap refill last evening, like after supper time….and its almost gone…not even 24 hours later. Its so ridiculous, and expensive, and embarassing, and I know that I might get yelled at by hubby if he notices, and I deserve that because this is too much. I know why I do it, the various factors in my life that increase my stress or anxiety and lead to more washing issues….the habit/ritual reasons I cant seem to break regarding the number of pumps of soap and repeats. I know that I just need to use a pump or two of soap wash for 20 seconds and sit with the anxiety in order to get better…but I just cant seem to do it. The anxiety isnt even bad, for the reasons for initially walking up to the sink….or when I finally leave I am satisfied with the washing, but the actual act of washing is anxiety provoking, I think because Im so worked up that Ill get "stuck" and use too much soap, ect…it just goes on and on. Right now Im fed up because it looks like I have to make an excuse again to go out to the store tonight and get more soap….because ocd or not we need to wash our hands….and I dont want to go out tonight, I dont want to deal with my husbands questions or irritation with me and I dont want to buy more soap that will just be gone tomorrow. How did I "beat" so many of my other ocd issues and yet Ive been hung up on using too much soap for so long? Why cant I just stop or at least be strong enough to reduce it?