So, for some reason i was not able to upload my kinda lenghty blog not too long ago and the first thing that came up to my mind was F#*K IT but i learned something yesterday that made me go back to this and rewrite it.
After a couples days stuck in that hole called Depression, I visited my therapist for my regular session. She was quick to notice that i wasnt feeling ok, so we headed to talk about what was going on. I currently have a couple issues that have been affecting me for quite some time now:
School work and my grades
Me hiding the fact that I have dropped out of school for the last three semesters to my parents.
50K in hospital bills (I'll talk about it later)
I was so depressed that i was thinking about dropping out of college once again and this for the 4th time :s, today i happen to have a organic chemistry exam and i know I will not pass it and that was the reason for me to drop it, she made me realize that if I drop it, I will be going back to a cycle where I tend to cope with AVOIDANCE and that cycles leads to substance abuse and then guilt and depression, she told me that I should stay and that maybe I could still learn something and expect what it come, me getting an F or maybe getting an A in the final and getting a C average. I stuck with the second option.
The second thing that has been making me feel depressed (Im now using this word) was the fact that i have not told my parents about me dropping out of school for the last three semesters, i've been avoinding and avoiding this and it has brought me to very low points in my life. My therapist made me realize that sooner or later they will find out and that if they do that on their own, they will probably get more upset about it than if they tell them (Im petrified) but i still need to do it I NEED TO CONFRONT THE CHALLENGE or that otherwise i could risk going on my cycle of avoidance and go back to that hole of Depression.
I want to share this also: I casually mentioned that i tended to avoid the word DEPRESSION and this came up: Maybe sometimes we need to embrace depression and learn from it, but dont embrace to the point that depression defines you. just a thought.