I like to think that I love myself. I feed my dreams, I take care of myself, and I look out for me. You could say that makes me a little selfish or an independent person I would say I am both. But I realize I dont like taking care of other people. I have done it so much in my life that I don’t feel taken care of by others. Or I feel as if I can take care of myself better then other people can. Which explains why my relationships with friends, family and men haven’t been these last years. Having to relearn how to care about people has the worst consequence ever, pain. Pain from rejection, disappointment, and lost. Things I have come to know and avoid sometimes.

I self sabotage myself constant from good things and sometimes I hold myself back from opportunities. I don’t want to do those things no more. If you ask me I want love. I want understanding and connection. So why do I avoid it. I hate that about myself somedays. I open my mouth and I say all the things in my head, sometimes these things are so hurtful. I regret it, but deep down i know most of the time I mean it. I hate this about me. i hate this about me