Hello all, yet once again,
I have found myself thinking about suicide a little more often lately and how it relates to courage, or more sprcifically, the meaning of courage. My mother tells me, and I've heard it said by various other people, in the media, on television , in books, etc. that killing myself is stupid and not the answer, and is the " easy " way out. I heard that I have to have courage and perservere and things will get better. My view is, that 1) suicide is not the " easy " way out, what's easy about not knowing what happens after you kill yourself ? What's easy about not being able to see your loved ones, your pets, your family anymore. Sure, there MIGHT be a better life after death, but we don't KNOW that there is. Actually, I think belief that there is a Heaven is actually what influences alot of people TO kill themselves, that belief that they'll get to see loved ones on the other side, that Heaven will be a Utopia where all their problems, all the pains, all their anxietys, all their suffering are gone and everything is living in peace together and that they'll get to be with God, since all those things are impossible on Earth, I believe that's actually the prevailing belief that causes people to make the decision of suicide and not anything other humans do. Also, courage is not the absence of fear, but doing something when the fear is absolutely OVERWEMING, but doing that thng anyway. And the fear that if you kill yourself, your family may suffer because they will blame each other for your suicide, and the guilt that will come over your family members for not noticing your pleas for help, their wondering " What did we do wrong ? ", the fear of the other hardships your death might bring on your family, but killing yourself despite those fears you have, that takes REAL courage. Besides, life goes on, right ?
COURAGE IS FACEING YOURSELF IN THE LOOKING GLASS EVERY DAY. REMEMBER THE MICHAEL JACKSON SONG…THE MAN IN THE MIRROR? THAT IS THE ONLY PLACE WE CAN DO AND FIND CHANGE. EVERY DAY IS A FRESH SLATE AND "WE" get to write on it what will and will not effect us. IF YOU FEEL THIS FEELING YOU REALY NEED TO REACH OUT TO A SUICIDE HELP LINE AND TALK THREW IT UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CAN LOOK IN THE LOOKING GLASS. PLEASE LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO WAIT, AND TRY TRY AGAIN AND AGAIN. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU, AND THE WORLD NEEDS YOU. MY SON IS LAYING IN HIS BED TONIGHT DYING , AND IN HORRIABLE PAIN, AND HAS BEEN SINCE 12 YRS OLD (HE'S NOW 37), AND EVEN HE IS HOLDING ON. COME ON BUCK UP AND GIVE IT YOUR ALL AND THEN GIVE IT SOME MORE. HE'S BEGGING FOR LIFE DON'T THROW YOURS AWAY. HE'S LOST BOTH OF HIS LEGS AND SHIT'S IN A BAG HANGING FROM HIS SIDE, HE'S BEEN ON LIFE SUPPORT 3 TIMES AND COME BACK FROM THE JAWS OF DEATH AND HE'S HANGING ON. PLEASE DON'T GIVE UP…..HANG ON.
I have come to this point because I have been trying. I think it is less selfish and more cosiderate of my family to end their suffering now and let them grive my loss and then move on. They did it when, my older brother who was born 34 years ago Friday, died of a heart defect when he was just a few days old. They grieved, worried about the future, and were broken hearted but moved on and had me, and they would do the same thing if I killed myself. I think the sort term hardships of my suicide would be less significant than having to endure the arguments, financial strains, and heart-break of not seeing me succeed or be happy. They wouldn\’t have to always worry about if I was going to be alright and happy either, they\’d know exactluy where I was at all times, and would know I was at peace. I\’ve seen more doctors than I can count, had one of the best doctors yanked away from me because his employer stopped taking Medicaid, right in the middle of my treatment, ands had bad expieriences with several medications or combinations, not just one, including beeing rushed to the hospital by my parents who I\’ve never seen so horrified about what was happening to me.
Suicide is cowardly and selfish, not courageous.
Your brother died of a heart defect, he didn\’t kill himself. The grief a family feels from something that medically takes their loved one away is different from what a family feels when someone commits suicide. The family will be tormented by thoughts of \”did I do something? Could I have stopped them? Why did they chose to leave me?\”.
Courage is facing this illness, with the rest of us, and hanging in there, persevering through treatment, and coming out on the other side recovered, happy, and glad you didn\’t act on your impulses.
-Sorry Kit…can't agree with you on this one…I think it is the easy way out. Think about all the people right now that have a terminal illness…that are hoping, praying and striving for one more day. I just don't think it's the answer. It creates a "wave" of pain that just keeps moving over everyone and everything. Be well.
Blue