I am new here but am having a rough day. I wish I could type faster- this will take a while for me but here we go. I'm just going to tell you what's happened to me this last year that caused me to attemp suiced 4 times in the past months. last year my brothers house caught fire– I thought my ex- husband did it; he had told me for years he would mess with our vehicles or burn our homes, etc. just stuff like that to still have control of me emotionally. anyway, while the investigation went on I thought a friend of mine started playing a spy game with me at my house. It was intricate and time consuming on my part. In July I cracked and was hospitilized– the doctor did not listen to me and took me off my mood stabilizers and i ended up having temporal lobe seizures and severly depressed even though the game continued— problem was my friend was not playing it with me he had told my family when they sked him-so while I was stable- I was in a mixed manic state playing this game with myself for nearly a year—- I am still tryng to fatham how in the world I could have done this and so I wanted off this earth and to go to the other side. I'm tired of my illness snd can't beleive I fractured like this; even though it was a harmless game I just can't comprehend how I could have played this for so long without being aware of myself. Have any one of you had anything close to this happen to you? I've hallucinated in the past but this–my PTSD kicked in and tripped me up. The house has just caught fire but I got really sick and still question if I am in reality now or not– if anyone can help will you please?