I have been dealing with depression for most of my life. Though, I didn’t really understand that, that was my problem until I was diagnosed around 2005. It wasn’t until 2012 that I had my mental break. Now, I am unable to work or do much of anything for  that matter. I have three amazing kids and a husband. They are literally the only reason I’m alive. I suffer to be there for them.

Today has been a hard day for me. Most days are but I can’t seem to get out of my head today. I’m so lonely and I feel so useless. My body feels so heavy like I can’t move. So here I lay in bed, because I’m just too weak to sit up today. To make my day even worse my husband comes home from work bitching about money. I show him the bills that have been paid so he can see where the money is going but for some reason it’s my fault we’re broke. So now he wants to take over the bills. He can go ahead. So I’m stuck. I can’t work. I know he feels like I’m worthless and he has to do everything but I take care of the kids almost 100% of the time.  Why can’t he get into my head for just a few minutes to see the misery that I feel. I don’t like living like this. I didn’t choose this for my life. Why can’t he understand that. I want energy, I want happiness and so much more. Though, my number one priority is and always will be my beautiful children! I came to this forum because I really have no one. There’s not one person that understands what I’m going though. Today is the first day I have had suicidal thoughts ( that is as far as it goes, I would never ever leave my babies.) Psychiatrist this week. I definitely need his help!

1 Comment
  1. determined 2 years ago

    I am sorry that you are going through a rough time right now. I have had depression for some time as well and it really depletes your energy. But you should know that you are a great mom and you are struggling and this is to be expected when you are doing all you can and nothing seems to be getting better. I pray that you will get the right medication to help with your depression and that things will drastically improve! In the meantime maybe try to do some things that you love to do to distract yourself from the depression. Take care.

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