I don't really know how I feel today but I guess I'm pretty anxious. I just feel like I need to do something but I don't know what it is. Like, I have the list in my head of what I actually need to be doing right now, and that usually makes me feel better, but I don't. I guess I feel sort of overwhelmed.
I do feel like I've been on the ball lately though. I think I aced two tests, and I totally understood the new lesson in math. Maybe I'm just on a good streak. But I don't feel like I'm handling my OCD well. There's always something in the world to fix. I hate when I touch my knees. I do it all the time. One side, the other, then both, the top, bottom, middle, then sides again, I don't even know. I don't have an order I need to do, just how I feel.
It's weird. It's probably not just me, but it's like when I touch something, it's almost like I can see where I have just touched it, and I want to make the same mark on the other side. Almost as if your painting on side and need to fill in the other with your paint. When I touch something with only one finger, I see dots, lines, and they look out of place. Then, I need to wipe the "paint" off of my hand or finger.
When I was younger and used to do this, I never thought anything of it. I knew I was doing it, and I didn't know why, but I didn't see it as a problem. Now I know better and if I catch myself doing it, it just stresses me out. If anyone else does this I'd be interested to know.