Let me start off by painting you a picture of the person I used to be… I was beautiful. I was 10lbs lighter. I would wake up every morning excited to go to the gym and talk to my gym friends. Conversation would come easily. I would retain knowledge and be excited about my future. I felt like a good person, a good friend, and loved my group of friends and family….
Then Maggie happened. Maggie was my best friend who I lived with at college. We started drifting apart at school. She was dating a guy who treated her like crap and was the cause of many fights. I started going home because I was so lonely and stressed out. She took is so personally that I went home and I was hurt. When the boyfriend broke up with her I wanted to show her how much our friendship meant and that I wasn't going home to hurt her but for my own happiness. I was killing myself to show her this but she never responsed. I realized that I wasn't going to try anymore and I was SO happy (see girl above). Then I started worrying. What woud other people think? How could I go home when my best firend was heart broken? So i started apologizing to her. She ended up saying we were just growing apart and that is when time stopped. I started ruminating about WHY i apologized. I was obsessing. I was placing blame trying to get the feeling of control back. After awhile I realized i didn't act normally so I started obsessing about why I acted the way I did. The obsessing never stops. It interferes with my every day life. I don't know who I am nor what i like anymore. I hpoe this blog brings me hope and my old self again.