I have toomany thoughts running through my head, it hurts. So its time for me to cleanse my thoughts.Let go the negative and make room for the positive. ahh where to begin? i haven't written a blog in a year? my reason for this, i found someone i could actually talk to: talk truths, talk nonsense with, laugh with, tell my secrets to with no judgement, cry to,…everything. Plain and simple, he is…was the perfect listener, advisor, friend, and lover. now, i don't know.for several monthswe hadrepeatedconversations of 'where we are heading' in this relationship that turn into argumentsonly tobe dealt by ' leave it, we'll talklater'. the 'later' came and we both agreed that we need to take time apart. now, now i'm hurting because i feel like i'm losing my best friend, my confidant. he was the first person to helped me accept/deal my ocd and social anxieties. he really made me feel confortable 'being me' and that was a hard thing to do.why do things have to be so difficult. i only hope that we will still be friends.
ok now that i have that out, next is the OCDupdate: (1) i manage to stop wiping every surface in my apt with clorox. sucess! no more ruin furnitures or chemical burns on my hands.(2) my 1hr showers are nowthe thing in the past. yeh, saving water! years ago it was 4hrs (yikes! i know) then it gradually reduced to 1hr last year to 40 minutes now. i know, 40mins is still long, but its still a work in progress for a person with mysophobia. (3) i now eat fresh fuits with minimal fear. before, i only ate canned fruits. (4) minimal panic attacks on public transportations. i still fear catching something byriding thebus. so whenever i panic, i put in my earphones and listen to music. music therapy is a life saver!
so glad for my sucesses, they weren't easy to tackle but i'm glad i did.
"You gain strengh, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." ~Eleanor Roosevelt