Looking around my place, everything is completly torn up, thrown around, in piles everywhere, and quite frankly there is nothing I want to keep. I looked through everything I could get my hands on, books, papers, pictures, folders, trash, reciepts, pens, jars, clothes, everything is everywhere. I see piles and piles of the things that make up my existence and it all can go away and be thrown away. Seeing everything, old furniture, shoes, old bills, everything is just stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks, and stacks of shit that can go away. I was looking for somethin today, which led me to look for somethin else that I realized was stolen from me.

I remember when the item was stolen from me and the circumstances surrounding it, I had let someone in to help me; I needed help and wanted someone to LISTEN to me for the first time. And of course, this person stole from me, an item that actually helped ease the pain of my days. So I learned from that experience that I did not need people to do anything and those that did not serve a purposewere not useful, useless items get thrown out and thats what I did, I should not have trusted this person. Although that caused me to reflect on the gambit of people that I trusted in the past, even in my childhood and MOST of those experiences have ended in disappointment, broken promises, and oddly enough, theft. And just sitting here in my own company, I have recollected so far, nothing is missing, so heres the positive, since I have not bothered with people I have not been disappointed, had expectations, or anything stolen from my person, thats a great thing and I celebrate it.

I have also been conquering my reliance on broadcasting certain things about my life, social media has made it tempting to broadcast every little detail or cry out for attention, fuck that shit. So far I have instead shifted my emotional reliance on things I can get myself but also on things that really don't rely on people. For instance, I have been working out and I make sure thatthe foundation for doing so is not on people, not on my expectations of fitness, but for the sake of activity and emotional management. Moving around helps me not think, which is preferred, its not based on anything else. So this helps me do something, because I do a lot of nothing, espeically lately as I see the purposelessness of my life.

Conclusion: Emotional upkeep, fuck people, and anything is expendable, including shit that brings nothing to me.


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