For the past several years now I’ve known I had anxiety but, I have never gone in to do anything about it. Instead, I shoved it down, down, down until I lost control. I couldn’t take it. My mind is a prison, I have no desire to make new friends or get close to people because, they always leave. My heart races, my breathing is unsteady, my palms begin to sweat, and before I know it I’m having a panic attack and it takes every ounce of my strength to pull myself back above the lithium. Nobody should live like that.

Today, I called off work. I went to my Dr. it was horrible!

They did an EKG, asked me questions which would trigger the panic, then sent me on my way with Citalopram HBR 20mg. An antidepressant.

I don’t know why my Dr. gave me an antidepressant, probably because he thinks I’m depressed too. He’s probably right. Lately I don’t care about anything. I called off work and I don’t give a damn if I get fired. I don’t care that I have no friends, I don’t care that my only friend happens to be my crush and my roommate and I’ll never have him, I don’t care that I don’t sleep, I don’t care that I’ve lost 3 more lbs in the past month, I don’t care that I have no life outside of my books and sims games. Honestly the only thing I do actually care about is my dog. I love her with every ounce of my heart & soul. For her I try to do my best every day. For her I need to keep my job so I can feed her and get her to the vet. I also care about my only friend and my family but, that is as far as my caring extends. I call it being a heartless bitch, my Dr. calls it depression.

1 Comment
  1. jgroves55 3 years ago

    Very well said, it was to the point and it always helps to get it out.

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