Okay so I had a period of time where the thoughts became a little less prevalant in the last week but they seem to be coming in again. I am taking a bit of advice from another comment and kind of venting the thoughts by typing them out, so as it says in the title it may be triggering. Okay so the thoughts that began my harm OCD was of strangling, and now it has become of cutting or stabbing and it seems to be more prevalant when I find a woman attractive I think because I already have anxiety related to romantic relationships, even writing this now is causing me anxiety and I kind of feel sick. so I am going to get, anytime I try to think of having a relationship or even a sexual encounter with a women, a violent thought automatically pops in to my head and causes anxiety. I have always been someone who wants a romantic relationship, just like having that girl I can chill with goof around with, it's barely about the sex for me, and suddenly when I think about sex thoughts like a knife stabbing my partner in her genitals, or if I see like a stomach a thought of a knife cutting it open, or like cutting a nipple…. it's terrifying, I take no pleasure in it, I know that for a fact however I still worry, is this me? Am I a sadistic serial killer? I don't want it to be me, I worry I can never have a normal relationship, it's a terrifying thought. I have always been the type of person that is like "I would kill myself before I would harm anyone else". I know I have been in this position before and got out of it but I just feel lost, it's upsetting. Especially to because over the last couple of weeks my ex (who I go to school with) and I have been talking more and flirting and I kind of like her again and I think she is feelin the same way but my mind being in this cycle of violent intrusive thoughts is seriously hindering me.

1 Comment
  1. MEandOCD 7 years ago

    Its called Harm OCD and all of us that have it feel the same in that we would kill ourselves before we hurt another person. And that is the reality of OCD. The images and thoughts are unwanted and really upsettinv to us. So a few things to put his in perspective. 1. Serial killers do not have emotions. They don't agonize over what they do. They are not afraid of what they are. They like being serial killers.OCD harm person is terrified of the images and the fear that they may do these things. Which they never do because we are not violent people.These are intrusive thoughts hun. They don't mean anything and they certainly do not represent who you are as a person.

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