Dear OCD,

    I'll tell you what. You've made my life nearly impossible for as long as I can remember. People find me odd when they notice all those little things you force me to do. You've cost me friends. You've cost me opportunities But worst of all, you've cost me the feeling of ever being close with someone.

    I see people all the time who have managed to foster a relationship with someone that seems so strong and so genuine. Sharing all with one another fearing nothing in their love and friendship. Well OCD, you've made sure that this never happened to me. You ensured that I'd scare people away. They'd start to get close and then didn't understand me. Sure I found others that you torture. But that never seemed to work out either.

    I'm afraid to truly open up to anyone. There are a few that I gotten surprisingly close to. One individual and I have gotten to be surprisingly close friends. I've told her things about you and how you make me feel that no one else knows. But even around her I keep up a front. I let out a lot of the crazy… But I keep a lot in. I don't let anyone too close. I'm afraid they might not like what they see. I fear I'll never be loved. And that's what I want more than anything else.

    You've turned me into a neurotic mess. I've learned about you in college. I've also learned what you've done to me. How you've changed or influenced who I am. I'm going to school to make sure that what you did to me as a child doesn't happen as much as it could. I know I can't stop you from hurting others. But I can help them work through the pain.

    One last thing before I go. If you cost me her. I'll hate you far more than I ever have before. I'll despise you. Worst of all, I'll despise myself for letting you.

-Tim