It's been a long time but all roads lead back to here. The only place I feel 100% understood and not judged. It's been a tough year with successes and difficult moments as well. I am now 100% benzo free of which I am proud but my anxiety is through the roof right now. I am now on Brintellix for overall OCD and Vistaril as needed for Anxiety. Vistaril doesn't seem to work. I am body rocking and leg bouncing non-stop. If I am not moving I know almost no peace except when I am praying which I do alot of.Family has become strained for me as my closest brother and I are not really speaking because of his wife. She attacked me because she said my niece was pretty on facebook and then I replied to it with a compliment for my niece and she accused me of stealing he rmoment with "her" niece. She proceeded to verbally assault me and tell me she was more her niece than mine and so on and then said and go ahead and cut yourself all you want for attention. Attacking me with that as I have only opened up to the family about my cutting recently and once I had conquered it is very hurtful. I never did it for attention….only as a coping mechanism , an endorphin released coping mechanism. I am not proud of it and it took me a long time to come to grips with why I was doing it and to beat it. To be attacked in that way…I am left with a hole in my heart. My brother would not answer his phone or return texts that night and she told me not to try to call him because if he had to choose I would lose. I am sad about that. I raised that child and he is like a son to me as well as my little brother. So yeah that's whats going on wiht me and a ton of anxiety about medical worries which I have gone to the doctor for but I cannever quite keep away. It's one of those you know it just gotchecked and things were fine but you still are stuck in that neverending loop of worry. I pray all the time that I can escape the loop that is OCD. Much love ya'll its good to be home.