Calmer tonight than I've been in days. I'm grateful for that. Seeing the psychiatrist yesterday and my therapist today helped.I haven't started the Abilify yet; that will be tomorrow (the pharmacy was out of it).

Today has been a little bit better. I didn'tfeel paranoid or panicky all day long, only sporadic moments of it. I don't particularly feel like dying right now, like I have felt lately ~ so that's a goodsign. I can onlyhope that tomorrow will be similar or a little bit better… maybe I'll startto get purchase on the muck and climb my way out ofthis hole in the ground.

I made myself go out today. Just to Beall's Outlet to clothes shop for Zachary for cold weather.I found him a really nicewinter jacket for$15 and severallong sleeved shirts for about $7 a piece. I boughtmyself apurple velvet shirt for $5. I love textures on clothes, andhave for as long as I canremember. In highschool my friends called me "Kiwi Fuzzy Fruit" because Kiwi was my nicknameand I always wore soft, fuzzy, warmand touchable clothes. Nice memory. 🙂 That's whyI bought the shirt I think ~ because it made me feel more like me again.

I stopped by work to pick up my medicine thisafternoon and talked withmy manager. I love that woman. She's amazing to me. So patient, kind, compassionate and does everything she can to keep your job when you have to beout so much due to illness. It means the world to me that she's done this for me for so many years now.

I'm still very tired, and still having nightmares that keep me up for hours afterwards. But thegood news is that I cut back on my napping time today (mmmm…napping in the sunshine) and I'm pretty tired now, so Ishould sleep fairly well. The OTC sleep aid didn'thelp much last night, butI'll try it again tonight.

I think tomorrow I'm going to attempt to go vote and paint my nails, maybe vaccuum the upstairs living room/hallway. Baby steps, but forward steps nonetheless right? Right.

Okay, that's it for now. Thank you for all your kindnesses through this so far~ it's helped so much to know that I'm not completely alone.

Dtribe friends ~ you are much loved. ~Key