i really hate the holidays why do we need them. They make so many problems at least for me they do. All i wanted to do today is cry i am still getting over being sick which is really getting on my nerves virus crap. Then i have to sit in a room with a sister who hates me. when i say hates me i can feel the hate coming off of her. My stomach turns its just horrible crying now as i think of it. she wont mend things with me so i have to find the power and strength to overcome the hatred i get from her. Or its going to end up killing me. Not to nention she has 2 girls that i love just as much as my own child. I never see them anymore she must love it that its killing me. we have been fighting for a year now and we have never fought this long so i assume we are never going to be sisters again. i just dont know how to deal with this its killing me inside. i am trying to start on my new journey to positivity and i cant with this going on and the rest of the family fighting over it too. I guess i have to worry about my son and myself like she worries about herself and her family. My first priority should be me and my son we need to be happy first. Sometimes i wish i could go back to the hospital cause i had no worries there. i start seeing my counsnler tuesday and enrolling in the outpatient program. I am realy trying but today really got me down in the dumps but i should be thankful that god gave me today and the family i have. THINGS ARE GOING TO GET BETTER THEY ARE GOING TO GO MY WAY I AM GOING TO HAPPY AND CONTENT WITH LIFE. I AM GOING TO HAVE EVERYTHING I WANT I AM GOING TO SUCCEED.