I don’t even know why I’m putting this here. Just nothing seems to help, I don’t want advice or anything, just need to type this out. I don’t care if people read this or not. I’m just too tired to get up and out of bed to talk to anyone I know but here I am spilling out my guts to random people on the internet. Maybe because it’s anonymous. Everyday is the same, do some chores then go on YouTube and watch the whole day away but if I was able to do whatever I wouldn’t even know what to do. I don’t know what I want and I don’t want to think about what I want either. I just hate this not knowing what to do. I hate not being in control of my own life but I don’t even try to put my life together all because i’m too tired. i’m too tired to sleep as well. I don’t care anymore. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t even know why i’m writing this. Do I actually want help deep down? I don’t know anymore, too tired to care, too tired to do anything.
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I don’t know what’s happening in your life but I think I can say I’ve felt some things you’ve written here.
Right now I’m unemployed and at home. I literally don’t do anything. I wake up late, eat breakfast while binge watching shows, I’ve been doing this for months I’ve run out of things to watch. I go on YouTube, browse through Instagram and do some housework. I barely get out of the house.
It’s hard finding a job. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared of failing that I’ve stopped trying. I’m scared of changing paths and failing in that too.
I also feel like I’m not in control of my life. During my school and uni days I was always on top of everything, even if I didn’t know what I wanted I was confident in myself and thought I knew I would find my way. But being thrown into the real world has made me feel lost in ways I did not know existed.
But I think you do want help. I think we all want help. No matter how much you deny it or try to hide it or avoid it, there’s a part of us that just wants to be saved.
As I’m writing this I don’t know when I’ll push myself to try again or try harder, but I wish you all the best.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, it’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to feel lost, it’s okay to feel tired, it’s okay to feel low… just don’t stay there for too long. Take small steps, doesn’t matter how small, but try to do something and build it up from there.