Hi, so I am 14 and was diagnosed with “borderline depression” and anxiety around 4 months ago. Although I never considered myself having it, Being told I had it made me understand everything I’ve done and felt. Why I struggled with daily activities, was scared to talk to anyone, or to even laugh when everyone else was. I thought it was normal for someone like me, I’m just shy, I may be sad now but I’ll be happy if I just smile, is what I would keep saying to myself.

Of course, that isn’t very much the case ^^’

Being diagnosed with it, it was scary but a relief. Now I knew there were people out there like me who can help me. But in my current situation, I am as hopeless as ever before. I mentioned that I was diagnosed 4 months ago? Well in that span of time, my mom has done absolutely nothing about it. Of course, that makes it even worse, like a disease. And in return, I try to bring up finding someone who can help me, only to be scolded and given the same useless advice such as “just think happy thoughts and you will be fine” “people are worse off than you so be happy for what you have!”

Keep in mind that of course, I understand why my mom would feel this way. It’s devastating to know that a loved one is thinking such destructive thoughts after loving them all their life. It’s just that, this denial, and constant rejection to get help, is just constantly putting me down. It gets me feeling hopeless, and I’m worried I won’t get any professional help. I just get so defeated every time I try even the slightest to make myself happier again, and my new high school lifestyle barely lets me have any free time without the constant anxiety of responsibility.

At this point, I have come to the mindset where I am not necessarily suicidal, but I wouldn’t mind death. Like, if I were to be murdered, I wouldn’t cry, or beg for my life as much as I probably would have 2 years ago. I don’t know why I think like this, why I feel so empty, even though I am fully aware that I shouldn’t feel this way.

Thanks to a chatline I found this site so I hope to get help for this growing sea of depression and anxiety I’m currently drowning in,

4 Comments
  1. vwxyz 2 years ago

    Hai..
    I just wanted to say..
    You shouldn’t think you shouldn’t feel this way. If you feel like this, you feel like this. Thinking you shouldn’t won’t help you. This is what you’re feeling rn and it’s not like you choose to feel this.
    Never force yourself to be happy,that’ll just make you unhappier.
    Try to find things you enjoy, or maybe just relax. Find something to do where you CAN Forget all your worries.. and professional help is really good (I think) try to persuade your mom, talk to her. Maybe you’ll come to a deeper understanding…
    I mean.. I don’t know much I’m also only 14.. but.. I really hope things turn out for you.. *lots of virtual hugs*♡♡♡

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  2. eastafrique 2 years ago

    I agree with vwxyz. If anything, you shouldn’t feel bad for feeling bad. I am sorry you are going though this so young.

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  3. audgepodge 2 years ago

    hi, i’m new here and have gone through a lot of what you have gone through. I am currently 17 years old and have been dealing with major depression and anxiety for many years, i was officially diagnosed when i was 13 though. I just want you to know that there are people who love you. and people who are there for you. reaching out for help is the hardest but most crucial step to healing. never give up. things will get better and if for whatever reason you want to talk to me, the internet stranger, i am here for you.

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  4. stewielola5965 5 months ago

    It sounds like you’ve been raised by someone with BPD. I experienced similar feelings as a teenager and adult. I’m 53yrs old, and my Mother still effects me in a negative way, and criticizes whatever I do. She has never been supportive, and I’ve always “walked on eggshells.” There IS Hope, and help for YOU. Don’t give up, and don’t allow anyone to make you feel less then the person you can become, and are.
    It makes me sad to know there are young people who suffer thru what I did, and I would encourage anyone who feels that way to find someone to talk to outside f your family.
    Hang in there! I promise it CAN get better.

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