Hi, so I am 14 and was diagnosed with “borderline depression” and anxiety around 4 months ago. Although I never considered myself having it, Being told I had it made me understand everything I’ve done and felt. Why I struggled with daily activities, was scared to talk to anyone, or to even laugh when everyone else was. I thought it was normal for someone like me, I’m just shy, I may be sad now but I’ll be happy if I just smile, is what I would keep saying to myself.
Of course, that isn’t very much the case ^^’
Being diagnosed with it, it was scary but a relief. Now I knew there were people out there like me who can help me. But in my current situation, I am as hopeless as ever before. I mentioned that I was diagnosed 4 months ago? Well in that span of time, my mom has done absolutely nothing about it. Of course, that makes it even worse, like a disease. And in return, I try to bring up finding someone who can help me, only to be scolded and given the same useless advice such as “just think happy thoughts and you will be fine” “people are worse off than you so be happy for what you have!”
Keep in mind that of course, I understand why my mom would feel this way. It’s devastating to know that a loved one is thinking such destructive thoughts after loving them all their life. It’s just that, this denial, and constant rejection to get help, is just constantly putting me down. It gets me feeling hopeless, and I’m worried I won’t get any professional help. I just get so defeated every time I try even the slightest to make myself happier again, and my new high school lifestyle barely lets me have any free time without the constant anxiety of responsibility.
At this point, I have come to the mindset where I am not necessarily suicidal, but I wouldn’t mind death. Like, if I were to be murdered, I wouldn’t cry, or beg for my life as much as I probably would have 2 years ago. I don’t know why I think like this, why I feel so empty, even though I am fully aware that I shouldn’t feel this way.
Thanks to a chatline I found this site so I hope to get help for this growing sea of depression and anxiety I’m currently drowning in,