Do you ever have days where you just want to hide from the world and fully delve into the deeper darker and more depressed side of your personality? to really connect with your pain and why it is that you know you are different from the world ? Most of the time i try my hardest to keep focusing on life and working through things and others i just want to hide from the world let my true darker and more broken self come to the front. I have days where i try to hide my tears from others and then days like today i could just crawl into the corner and hug my knees and happily let my tears fall show someone the demons that lay within me the fears that i hope will pass but ones that sometimes feel so much a part of me that there are times i worry a day will come where i wont be able to seperate the two.

i hate the constant fear and worry that lives inside my mind how it can controll my actions and how i view the world how it holds me back. I miss how i used to be self assured and confident in everything i done only now to have days where i spend my time second guessing every step/choice ive made/make. i wish i could say that i never knew why some sleep with a light on.. these days i fear more of the demons that are in my head and myself, i worry more about the fake friend at my face than the enemy at my back!

Today i wish i could just feel the arms of someone who knows exactly what its like to have demons, to look at the mirror image of yourself and see the cracks and for someone to understand that no matter how strong i become, how well i master my demons some cracks will always be there and that these cracks are what make me still an amazing person but nothing i should be ashamed of, not having to hide what lays within but to be able to embrace every part of me even the parts of me that i may never see nor love.

I just want to embrace the side of me that i cannot show to the world, the person who hides behind her walls, the person that the world probably wouldnt accept even if she did show them let alone understand her. for someone to look past the pain and tears that i see everday in my eyes…