All the help I am getting is fine, but it makes me feel bad. I feel like I owe everyone. Even that is overwhelming. I wish I wasn't like this. I haven't really had this much of a problem with this illness until recently and it is getting me down. I feel like I can't keep up and people let me know it. I know there are people who are in worse situations than me, but that doesn't help the way I feel. In fact, it makes me feel guilty. People look at me and they tell me there is nothing wrong with me. I should be doing this and that. It frustrates me to no end. Not to mention wanting to do certain things and failing because I get depressed more easily when I am under stress. My own level of stress that is.

Lately, I have been very tired and emotional. Although more tired than emotional. Exhausted is more like it. Keeping in touch with others is something I like, but it too seems so hard. Online or not, it seems to take more effort than I have. At the moment I am trying to find a home and I have no money at all. I am forgetting all the time so I have started to write things down whenever I can think of them. I have been so busy lately running here and there and trying to deal with being depressed that I usually avoid people everywhere I go because they seem so miserable too. The thought of talking to someone and getting a snotty, negative and aggressive response is just not something I want to deal with right now. There are some who I talk to who do help, at least for a time. I really appreciate it too. If only they knew how much.

I feel like I just cause chaos wherever I go. That's not what I want. Even people I am supposedly close to are disappointed in me. I guess I am too. However, as I said, there are those who do comfort me when they tell me what they are going through and then I realize that I am not alone.

Thank you.


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