I have been slightly depressed before. But each time they only lasted a couple to few days then I bounced back quickly.

I have no idea how I did that and found the strength just to get up and get through it. It was mainly the past two winters in particular I remember being like that.

I think sometimes it has to do with the weather around here since I am from MN.

But, the past two years in my life have been difficult and changing like crazy.

Now I am not good with change, espeically when so much hits me all at once. I freak out a little inside and go WHOA!

Anyways; I do know all the reasons why I am depressed, which my counslor, I just started seeing, said is good, because some people can't name more then one.

So at least I'm thinking somewhat clearly. That makes me feel good. Because my minds been all messed up and feeling weird, different and blah. I haven't been feeling like my full self because of all that and it's really werid and scary.

Never had it that bad and hard before.

The reasons for my depression are; My granny anne who I was super close with died two years ago, I still have problems with that. Me and my best friend of 11 years are no longer friends. My bf who I was in love with and dated for a year and a half, turned out to be older and married…. OUCH

I lost one of my jobs because I started getting sad. I thought I was going to have to move back home with my parents. I stayed at their house for two months and started losing my independent self. NOT COOL.

The weather, a bunch of other little things too. Plus my first love/friend etc got married. It was just so many little and big things.

I tried to deny some of them or repress them for later. Or I siad I was fully healed fine and good to go.

Although guess what . I"m obviously not.

I let it go to far and let myself go a bit. I sat around doing not much of anything for weeks. I stopped eating much. I didnt' care what I looked like. DIdn't shower much. GROSS. DIdn't see my friends for over a month.

All those things scared me. Because that's not like me or who I am. I started not to recognize myself. I Knew I was depressed. But I didn't know what to do or how to come out of it. I'm still working on it.

But now like I said I'm taking some healthy meds to help with my depression and anxiety and I started talking to a counslor.

I also moved back home to get myself/independence back. I Quit my morning job I hated. Now I just work at my daycare.

I started doing cleaning and errands again to get that back on track. So I could get used to my old routines and feel like me. I started watching my tv shows again and hanging with my friends.

Although it's a work in progress. and sadly takes longer then I thought it would to be me again. I'm getting there. But i'm impatient so waiting is hard for me. But you can't just snap your fingers and be back to the normal awesome you. It sucks.

My mind feels a tad better .But my voice in my head is quieter then usual which is weird for me. It's usually louder and stressed out. Now i don't mind the not stressed part lol but you know. It's different.

I'm starting to feel more like me, which is good. I know I'm myself still have my memories and all. But i felt lost like I had dissapeared and all. It's sometimes hard to describe. Does anyone else feel like that?

I just want to keep getting better and know that I'm not alone in this.

I just want to be my full self again and not overthink things and worry.

Thanks for listening.

Stacy